Friday, January 21, 2011


Mom, I love you so much. But i feel as tho you don't feel the same. We fight a lot. I am never up to visit, because someone has this, or you have to do that. But when ever kassie says mom can i come up you say yup, and PLEASE DO NOT say that its because she is pregnant. Its still not fair. For my 16th birthday you were gonna through me a little party, and then set up the hotel room. But you did neither of them. I try and try to get you to show me you care, to get you to show a little bit of love but it never works. I try to get you to be proud of me. To show that i'm still your little girl. Over the years that i have lived with dad, i feel That you have hated me. I've changed, you've changed. And not for the better. You pushed me away. And then i started to pull my self away. Now we never see each other. I know i am probably repeating some stuff i have already said. But its all how i truly feel. Im gonna start from the start... March of 2007 or 2008. I was in 6th grade. You and dad split up, and i had to move in with you. I went to troy howard middle school for 3 months, and i got honer role once. Maybe a month after we moved in, keith came to visit. you said your just "friends" but I wasn't fooled. He stayed for maybe 2 or 3 months. He helped me with my homework, and he helped me understand stuff.Then he left. And Me and kassie would fight a lot. It got to the point where she would push me up Against a wall by the throat. I would push her off and run away. I would try to tell you but you wouldn't listen. You would just freak on me, and then I would storm off and go into my room. You would always tell me to get my stuff, your calling my father. And having him come get me. Well one day I finally did. and you have hated me since. Well..Maybe a year later You went to england with kassie and keith. You were gone for 7 months, and i learned how to do things on my own, with out my mother to count on. It sucked!
You came back, with kassie, and she moved into the house with me and dad.  you moved in with kiki. During the time, i mostly spent time with the boys, not you. You did barley nothing with me, and still never do. Next you got the cottage. then moved into the apartment to help nana. when ever i came over, you were out and about, and never did anything with me. THEN you met tony. You were always over there, so i still never got to be around you. THEN you guys got married. And now i never get to spend time with you because your always right around tony, or you were playing poker. I don't like not living my life without my mother caring about me, it sucks. I hate knowing that if i call you might ignore it, yet if kassie calls you answer ,i hate knowing that i'm not your baby girl anymore, and that kassie replaced me in your heart, and i HATE knowing this baby is gonna replace me even more in your heart. i'm sorry mama, if your reading this, but it is how i feel. I Cry my self to sleep almost every night.! CRY mom, and i wanted to end my life because you didn't care. I hate everything about me Everything. i can not even look into the mirror to change because i hate what i look like. I remember when i was growing up, you hid away, and didn't like your self. and you still don't. you always through in my face that your smaller then me, which let me mention KILLS me inside. i'm sorry mom, i really am. I hate you soooo much for all this pain you have caused me to have, yet i love you soo much because your my mother. Im sorry that you hate me, i'm sorry that i left you, and i'm sorry that you had to replace me in your heart.

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