Thursday, January 27, 2011

To my haters

to my haters
I keep it real, i am what i am. Im a big girl yes. But im Beautiful. I go to school every day. I try my hardest. I do my work, i see my “friends” I come home. You all think its easy. well heres something thats not.
I wake up every morning, do the same things. I get up, get dressed. Then i go do my hair, and put eye liner on and mascara. Its hard to do… for i HATE looking in the mirror. What I see. Isn’t me. Once i’m done with that, i grab a drink and take my medicine so my tourettes will get better, and so i wont tick as bad during school. Second i walk out the door, i put on a face, JUST for you. I go get on the bus, go to school. do my classes then go home, second i get off the bus, i’m back to my self again. I come in the door, let my dog out, do the furnace and come in. I sit and wait for him to get home, knowing ill be yelled at the second he walks through the door. He walks in. “Hi dad, how was work” I ask. “What do you think” he says. He tells me clean up this house, or do this, or do that. Always. Im like a maid to you dad. Its not fun. I  get done cleaning up, and cooking. Then i go up stairs, and play on my computer, till he has me come down and rub/ scratch his back, shoulders, or head/neck :(. Then i go up to bed. I take a shower, then crawl into my cold bed. i turn on my fan. And cry. Cry and cry till i fall asleep. Next morning it replays. 
^thats how my days go. I have some friends who I can always count on. There names are..Katie Hamel. Amanda Dever. Hannah Stewart, Megan Bowden. Sometimes Anny baker, Rebecca Robbinson, and a couple more… There my life. My mom lives in belfast. she doesnt give to craps about mee or so it feels. I’m 16 years old. i’ve tried ending my life. But threw this all i know one thing. And that one thing is
IM BEAUTIFUL, IM CHUBBIE AND MY FRIENDS LOVE ME. LIFE SUCKS, YOU JUST HAVE TO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, SMILE AND WALK IT OFF. TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY, SO SMILE, AND AWAIT THE SUNRISE. SOMEDAY YOU’LL BE OFF ON YOUR OWN, SO MAKE NO REGRETS, DONT HATE. LOVE. WHAT IF TOMORROW DOESNT COME FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE, BUT YOU HAVR TREATED LIKE COMPLETE SH*T? YOU'LL HATE YOUR SELF!  Every night, i say night and i love you to my dad, and to  my mother. some nights they dont say it back, but it makes me feel a tad bit better knowing i said it to them<3 Life is hard, but you just have to live it to the fullest.

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